


Monsters In The Closet

by staymagical



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, American terminology, Bisexual Character, Closeted Character, Established Relationship, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 08:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2185164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staymagical/pseuds/staymagical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Merlin are together and have been for a while now. But while Arthur is out and proud, Merlin, afraid of losing his spot on the soccer team and any possible career opportunities that may arise from it, is still firmly locked in the closet, knowing exactly what awaits him if he were to open the doors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monsters In The Closet

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so just so you all know, I'm American. Therefore despite Merlin being a BBC show making the obvious setting for this modern AU be somewhere in the UK, I have decided to base it in the US and use American lingo because I respect the English too much to put you all through what would no doubt be an atrocious and inaccurate display of British terminology. So I apologize in advanced for the country hop but I wouldn't be able to do it justice otherwise.

Merlin grit his teeth hard, trying in vain to ignore the conversation going on behind him and just focus on peeling off his sweat-soaked training gear and muddy cleats, changing, and getting the hell out of there.

Valiant let out a grawf behind him then that sounded more like a grunt than a laugh. "Hipster, my ass. That kid is a poof. I mean do you see the way he dresses? It's like he's just begging to suck a cock."

Snickers and huffs of laughter echoed around the locker room where the team was cooling off after the rigorous practice coach had just made them endure.

"Haven't you heard, Val?" Cenred responded in false shock, voice in mock falsetto. "That's the new 'hipster'. Coffee and glasses is soooo last season. It's all about being a fag nowadays."

Another round of laughter followed, the rest of the team joining in on the cruelty. It made Merlin feel physically ill.

"I don't know how you stand hanging around him Merlin," Valiant stated. Merlin froze as the large boy's attention now turned to the one person Merlin had hoped he would avoid, himself. "Aren't you afraid he's gonna start hitting on you?"

Merlin froze in panic. "Oh, uh, he uh," he stumbled over his words, trying to find something that would defend Arthur yet not implicate himself any more than he already did on a daily basis by hanging out with the constant focus of their teasing. "Arthur's been my, uh, best friend since we were little. He's had plenty of time." Merlin swallowed, his throat suddenly dry but he pulled down his mask of easy nonchalance and flippantly stated, "Naw, I'm not too worried."

"If you weren't banging that Freya girl every weekend, I would have thought he already poisoned your mind." Here Valiant paused, letting out a huff of laughter that made Merlin wince inside. "And your body," Valiant finished with a once over of Merlin. Merlin tried hard not to give in to the shiver that ran down his spine.

After a beat, Val smirked down at him, the expression cruel and for a second Merlin imagined that smirk was aimed at him, that their teasing and mockery would soon turn toward him. It was a daily fear he lived with, that these guys, the ones he shared a field with, a locker room with, who treated him as friend and teammate, who saw him as a comrade, would turn their anger and hate on him if they ever discovered the truth.

The truth that in fact Arthur already had hit on him. And Merlin had reciprocated.

For years they had been friends, best friends, never apart for long if they could help it. They were practically attached at the hip when they were younger—and were even nowadays, away from prying eyes and ears and in a much more...intimate way than when they were children—and still were when Merlin wasn't at soccer practice and Arthur wasn't studying his ass of for entrance exams.

Arthur had been out for years now, ever since seventh grade when he had broken it to his father that he was in fact bi. It had been a hard time for Arthur. His father hadn't entirely approved of his son's choice—and yes, he firmly believed sexualty was a choice—but Arthur had been adamant and stubborn and ignored his father's threats and kept at it. And eventually they had come to an agreement: Uther would ignore his choice as long as Arthur's studies remained top notch. Law school was definitely in Arthur's future, especially with Uther breathing down his neck. Having the top paid most successful lawyer in the area as a father tended to do that.

Merlin on the other hand had kept a very tight lid on his sexual preference. He could not afford to come out, not now, not at least until after he had graduated and left the harsh social normalities of high school behind. Maybe not even then, if his soccer career took off, if he got the scholarship he was vying for. Who ever heard of a professional gay soccer player?

Sure, his closest friends knew he was gay, Arthur obviously being one, along with his mother but not many. Not enough to give him confidence. Because unlike Arthur, Merlin did not have the cushion of protection and respect earned from a wealthy and intimidating parent nor the natural arrogance and intimidation that warded would-be taunters and bullies away. He came from a poor family and was a bastard to boot, his father having left his mother before he had even been born. It was the perfect fuel to feed the flames of ridicule and without the shield of his teammates—the same peers that would lead the taunts and the teasing if they knew the truth—he would have been burnt up by his school mates long ago.

But he knew being on the team and the top scorer of the season wasn't enough to keep them away. Not being who he was with his background. So a couple weeks into the school year he had fabricated a relationship with his homeschooled neighbor Freya. She knew of course and being the kind-hearted gentle girl she was, had agreed to lie and make appearances when needed. She didn't like that he felt he needed to hide who he was but understood his reasoning for it.

It was Arthur that disapproved of his continued secrecy. He wanted to be able to walk down the halls hand in hand with Merlin, to stake his claim on the boy and let others know he too was claimed. He wanted a real relationship as he put it. And he figured they would never have one unless Merlin came out.

But most of all, Arthur wanted Merlin to be himself. He told Merlin how he could see the toll keeping this secret was taking on him. And Merlin agreed that yes, it was hard. Miserable even. He didn't like pretending to be something he wasn't, couldn't stand to watch other couples, other people be out and proud with who they were. It tore at his soul each and every time he had to deny that part of himself. But despite what Arthur may think, things would be even worse if he came out. All his peers would see only the fag he was, a poor bastard fag, ignoring the skills he portrayed on the field, the high rank he had procured this year in the league. None of that would matter. Their blinded one-track minds would only see weakness and exploit it.

Arthur, Merlin knew, didn't believe that his teammates could be that heartless, could turn on one of their own that easily.

Merlin knew they would in a heartbeat.

He was broken violently out of his thoughts by a rough clap on his shoulder as Valiant let out another barking laugh. No doubt he had mistaken Merlin's pained look for one of disgust at the possibility that Arthur might hit on him.

Merlin winced as he turned away, quickly gathering his things and high tailing it out of there before the subject could be continued. Each tease, insult, or jibe toward Arthur felt like a physical blow to Merlin himself, a stab at him that left his soul bleeding. And there was nothing he could do except suffer in silence. Not unless he wanted to be bleeding inside and out.

"Hey," a familiar voice sounded from ahead and Merlin looked up, already knowing the head blonde hair and light blue eyes that would fill his vision.

Arthur stood there, contacts replacing his standard glasses today giving Merlin a lovely clear view of his boyfriend's stunning blue eyes as he leaned against his silver Ferrari. A smile lit Arthur's face as he watched Merlin approach, soccer bag slung over his shoulder and feeling as if it carried the weight of the world as he gazed upon his boyfriend. His boyfriend who he knew was suffering right alongside him as he continued to remain in the closet. And it pained Merlin to put Arthur through this, to hold him back when he deserved so much better. But Arthur refused to leave him, even when Merlin had tried to let him go. He would rather be with Merlin in secret than be without him altogether.

Merlin tried to flash him a smile in return but could tell it came off as more of a grimace when Arthur's own fell slightly, turning more into a look of concern and sadness.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked as Merlin walked past him and took the passenger seat, throwing his bag and backpack at his feet. He wanted nothing more than to just curl up in Arthur's arms and forget all about their problems and the outside world.

"Nothing. I'm fine," Merlin replied automatically. Arthur slid into the driver's seat and glanced at Merlin with concern. Merlin put all his effort into forcing a smile on his face once more. Whether it was the smile or the verbal reassurance, Arthur bought it enough to start the car and begin driving them home.

It was pathetic really. Merlin was so used to having to reassure Arthur that nothing was wrong nowadays, to having to deny anything was wrong even to himself. It's not like they usually kept secrets from one another—quite the opposite, in fact—but in this case, the case of everything Merlin's teammates said about Arthur behind his back everything they said about people like _them_ in general, he refused to divulge. He didn't want Arthur to get upset or feel the need to take action. Arthur could be quite impulsive sometimes and could forget that fighting was actually frowned upon in society. Really, it was better he didn't know how far their teasing went nor how much it truly affected Merlin.

Nothing more was said, though Merlin could tell Arthur wanted to prod further. So, he plastered a smile on his face and ignored his own thoughts in favor of reverting to the banter him and Arthur kept up regularly. And for the most part, Arthur left it at that. But Merlin could feel his eyes upon him throughout the rest of the day, as they sprawled out on Merlin's bedroom floor with books and homework, as they got slightly sidetracked and moved to Merlin's bed to do well...other activities. And especially as they sat at Merlin's kitchen table, the pasta Merlin had effortlessly whipped up between them being shoveled into hungry mouths.

In fact it wasn't until later that night as they walked through the park by Merlin's house, the cool night air washing over them as an owl hooted from the trees above that Arthur brought it up again.

"Alright," Arthur said interrupting Merlin's mindless rambling. He grabbed Merlin's shoulder and halted their progress across the deserted but well lit park, turning to face him. Merlin instantly tensed, already knowing what the blonde wanted to talk about. He had tried to retain his usual cheery carefree mood after the incident in the locker room but knew he had failed miserably. Arthur always could tell when something was wrong with him anyway. He had never been able to hide anything from him. "What's going on Merlin? Did something happen?"

Merlin faced Arthur but looked down, refusing to meet Arthur's questioning eyes opting instead to dig the toe of his sneakers into the gravel path. He didn't want to discuss it, didn't want Arthur to know just how miserable he was at school, in public, even with himself.

"Hey," Arthur spoke softly, dipping his head slightly to peer under Merlin's fringe. A finger gently caressed under his chin, prompting Merlin to look up and meet Arthur's light blue eyes. "Its okay. Whatever it is, it'll be okay. I'm here for you."

Merlin chuckled humorlessly. "You can't help me with this Arthur, you know that."

Arthur's face dropped then, but his eyes softened in understanding. This was not a new subject for them. "But I can if you would just let me. I'll stand by you every step of the way. I can help you, Merlin. I won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise"

"I cant. I just...cant," Merlin said in agitation, hands running viciously through his hair, threatening to pull out a few hundred strands. "My teammates, my scholarship, my future _career_ , life as I know it, it'll all be gone before I even walk out the doors at the end of the day. I can't do it."

"No one will care Merlin," Arthur reassured him, hands running soothing lines up and down the lanky man's arms. But it only made Merlin tense more, as though even now, at night in a deserted park, he was afraid someone would see what they really meant to each other. He stepped back half a step from Arthur, breaking the contact and knowing that he was also breaking the man's heart in the process. Arthur just dropped his hands and continued on like nothing had happened, the only evidence being a little more urgency and determination in his voice. "All they will see is you and your skill on the field and that's all that matters. And if not, I'll have a word with them and set them straight."

Merlin knew Arthur was fishing for a laugh but he couldn't even dig up the dregs of a smile.

"Please, Arthur," Merlin pleaded. "Just stop."

Silence fell between them for a few seconds. But Merlin knew there was more Arthur wanted to say. He was never one to just let a conversation go so easily and he proved that a second later.

"You are miserable Merlin," he stated, "I can see it. Withdrawing into yourself and denying a big part of you. You shouldn't put yourself through that." Arthur took a step toward Merlin hesitantly, as though afraid Merlin might run. Merlin wasn't entirely sure he was wrong but he held his ground. "Be yourself and fuck what anyone else says. This is no way to live." He took another step toward Merlin, coming intimately close despite whatever public view they might be in. Merlin's mind screamed at him to back up, to move to a more friendly distance but warm hands suddenly framed his face and he found himself melting into the feeling. "No way for us to live," Arthur finished as Merlin met his pleading gaze. But whether it was largely for Arthur's predicament or his own, Merlin didn't know.

Silence fell between them for a few beats as Merlin soaked up the warmth and feel of Arthur's hands. He knew what Arthur wanted him to do, was practically begging him to do and god, he wanted to so bad. He had dreamed about it for years, almost done it a couple of times but coming out was just not an option anymore. Not right now. There was too much at stake. And if Arthur really cared for him, then he would wait, he would wait until Merlin was ready. Merlin had given him a way out, given it to him multiple times but each time, Arthur had never taken it. He had said Merlin was worth it.

Merlin just hoped that was still true.

For he was putting Arthur to the test exponentially. It was a selfish selfish thing to do and it was eating him up inside every day he kept it up. But now more than ever, he _had_ to keep it up.

Merlin reached up then and gently took a hold of Arthur's hands, easing them away from his face and lowering them down. "I'll see you tomorrow Arthur," he said solemnly, giving his boyfriend's hands one final squeeze before turning and walking back toward his house.

*~*~*~*~*

Wednesday, not Merlin's favorite day of the week usually as he wouldn't get to see Arthur until lunch but he was slightly grateful for it today. He knew walking away last night and the blatant refusal was not the best way to end their day together but he just hadn't been able to handle it. The pressure was enormous and the guilt just as much until he felt like his heart was torn in two different directions, each pulling and pulling neither seeing that he was being torn up in the process. He knew Arthur didn't mean it, was just trying to help him, but that didn't change the fact that it was still happening.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted across the noisy cafeteria, his call breaking the lanky young man from his thoughts as he wandered over to their usual table by the window. He looked up, noticing immediately the ecstatic grin plastered across Arthur's face and the enthusiastic hand waving him over with gusto. He couldn't help it, despite all that had happened yesterday, a small smile still made its way onto his face. He was sickeningly, unmistakably, head-over-cleats in love with this boy, despite their glaring current problems.

If only he could show the world.

His smile fell a bit at that thought but then Arthur was dragging him down onto the seat between him and Gwen—who had a similar smile on her face just slightly less overbearing, Lance, Percival, and Gwaine already digging through their lunches across from them—and shoving a newspaper in his hands.

"Did you hear?" Arthur asked, practically shouting in his excitement. He pointed to the front page. "Kimbol came out! And the league says that don't give a rats ass about it. He's still going to start this season. Read the article, it's all there!"

"Wh—what?" Merlin stammered, grabbing at the paper and scanning the article in question. Kimbol, star forward of the Thunder, fourth top scorer in the nation and member and stater of last year's World Cup team, had indeed just come out at a press conference last night. One he had apparently called himself just for this reason. He may not have been Merlin's favorite player but he sure as hell was looking to rival that now. This was huge.

"Wow…," Merlin managed to stammer out, shock preventing any words of wisdom from forming. Not that any usually did, according to Arthur.

"You see? People don't care, Merlin," Arthur said, his voice lowering so only him and Gwen—who, along with Lance, already knew about Merlin's dirty secret—would be able to hear. "If Kimbol can do it in front of the press and the nation, then this," he gestured to the school around them, "is no big deal."

Merlin's stomach dropped, his mood instantly falling. He looked up at Arthur with sad eyes. "No, no I can't," he said, shaking his head. "This is different Arthur."

Arthur's brows furrowed, confusion and slight anger marring his face. "What? Why not? This is nothing in comparison. And I'll be here to support you—"

"No Arthur, this is everything. It's...yes this is great news, but it's also new news. How do you know things will remain the same for him in a year or two? The league says they are fine with it now but what if they aren't and are just putting on a show for the press? And the fans, how will they react? No, I can't, not yet—"

Merlin," Arthur interjected, shaking his head with wide eyes. He jabbed a finger at the article, trying to make Merlin see reason that just wasn't there. "This is proof that it doesn't matter, that skill outweighs it all. How can you not see that? No one cares what you are or who you—"

"Arthur—," Gwen hissed from Merlin's side in warning. It wasn't until then that Melin noticed how loud Arthur had gotten.

But Arthur it seemed, hadn't noticed.

"—love! They only care how you play. It doesn't matter that you are gay. The world has changed!"

Silence fell across the table thick and heavy as all eyes found Merlin. Unfortunately, a few eyes seated at the surrounding tables did too.

And the whispering began before Merlin could even break himself out of his shock.

Feeling as if he were underwater, everything slow and muffled around him, Merlin glanced at his friends at the table. Gwen beside him had her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide and staring at Merlin not in shock, but in pity. Lance winced in sympathy as Gwaine beside him rivaled his wince with a deadly scowl aimed at Arthur. Percival on his part, looked equal parts shocked and confused but not in the least bit hostile or angry.

Time seemed to resume at a normal pace, the chaos of the cafeteria slamming into Merlin's senses all at once. It felt like he was teetering on the edge of...something, overwhelmed and yet unable to take a proper breath as it all came crashing down.

He had to get out of there. Now.

"Oh god…" he heard Arthur say but he didn't stick around to find out what he planned to finish that statement with. Instead, he whipped around and dove his way through the crowd of teenagers, some that were staring at him in shock others in annoyance as he pushed through them without even registering who it was he was barreling through. He didn't even pause at the doors, slamming them open in his haste to just get away get out of there thinking that if he ran far enough, if he didn't witness what was sure to come, then maybe it wouldn't happen.

But it had, it was.

Arthur had just outed him to the entire school.

*~*~*~*~*

Arthur could only stare wide-eyed at Merlin's retreating back, shock rooting him to the spot. The spot where he had just accidentally outed Merlin. To the entire school, or what was soon to be. Gossip spread like wildfire in the halls.

"Arthur why—"Gwen began before hands slammed violently down on the tabletop a Gwaine shot to his feet.

"How could you do that?!" Gwaine bellowed from across the table, the anger as clear in his voice as it was on his face.

"I—I didn't realize," Arthur began, the shock at what he had just done still coursing through his veins. "...it was an accident—"

"An accident?!" Gwaine all but yelled, looking like he wanted nothing more than to leap across the table and throttle Arthur himself. And Arthur couldn't blame him. He wanted to bang his head against a wall until he somehow turned back time. "An accident?!"

"Gwaine," Lancelot growled elbowing the man in the ribs, his voice low. "Quiet down."

"You know he didn't want anyone to know," Gwaine hissed, lowering his voice exponentially but not diffusing the rage in the slightest.

"Gwaine it was an accident," Gwen stated, face now sad and full of pity for their friend. "Besides there's nothing we can do now—"

"Thanks to him," Gwaine gritted out, gesturing none-too kindly at Arthur.

"How did you know anyway?" Gwen asked suspiciously, her attempt at changing the subject however slightly nowhere near subtle.

Gwaine calmed down somewhat though and let out a sigh. "I had my suspicions. After hanging around those two for a year, anyone would. This just confirmed them." He shot another glare at Arthur.

But Arthur barely noticed, was barely even paying attention to the conversations going on around him. He had just inadvertently shoved his friend, his boyfriend out of the closet, exposing him for all to see. Yes, it was what he had wanted, what he had been trying to convince Merlin to do for years now. But not like this, never like this. He had just wanted Merlin to be true to himself, to live his life out of the shadows. To not be miserable anymore when he should be happy. He would have waited for him, would have waited forever if that's what it took. Because he loved him wholeheartedly and would go to the end of the world for him. Which, it looked like he would need to do in order to repair this mess he had just made.

"I—I've got to go find him," Arthur stated suddenly, realizing that he wasn't going to do much standing there, gaping at nothing.

"Yeah, you best do that, princess," Gwaine nodded, some of the bite gone from his voice but not entirely.

And with that, Arthur raced out of the cafeteria, Melin the only thing on his mind.

*~*~*~*~*

Merlin was a hard man to find when he didn't want to be. Arthur searched everywhere, even going as far as to skip his physics class after lunch to continue looking. But Merlin was no where to be found and he too skipped out on his own class after lunch—Arthur had checked. He had the fleeting thought that maybe Merlin had gone home, maybe he had skipped the rest of school today altogether. But he dismissed it immediately. Merlin had practice after school and if there was one thing that he would never miss, it was practice. The team, the sport, it meant everything to him.

So it was as the bell rang signalling the end of the class period and the five minute warning of the start of the next that Arthur trudged down the hall, defeated. His blood still pumped fast through his veins in worry and anxiety but he knew there was nothing more he could do. And he couldn't afford to miss his next class. His father would be furious as it was.

Not that it did much good, attending class. He couldn't focus even the slightest bit. All he could think about was Merlin and the avalanche he had inadvertently caused for the young man. It didn't help that by the time the final period started, word had already spread and half his classmates had already asked him about his and Merlin's secret relationship, teasing, mocking, and genuine.

Arthur folded his arms over his steering wheel and buried his head in their folds. He was sitting in his car, waiting for Merlin like he always did after school so he could drive him home after practice—not that he expected Merlin to accept his offer but at least he would be able to see him exit the locker room from this vantage point and know he was okay. He had made a right mess of all this, that was clear. Merin probably hated him now—hell he hated himself enough for the both of them—and would never speak to him again. How could he have been so stupid? Yes, it had been an accident, he hadn't meant for his voice to rise to that level but he also shouldn't have pushed Merlin so harshly, shouldn't have pressured him so hard that things escalated the way they did. He was just so frustrated. He wanted to be able to hold hands with Merlin in the hallways, kiss him whenever he fancied, and just be close to him in a much more intimate way outside of the comforts of their respectives homes, but what happened before hadn't been about him.

It had been about Merlin and the fact that the last few months had been especially hard on him. Arthur had seen the way his smiles slowly faded until they were practically a rare sighting. How he was training harder than ever and avoiding hanging out with his friends and even Arthur himself. How when they did hang out and saw a happy couple together, like Lance and Gwen, Merlin would clam up, become silent and withdrawn and shrug off any and all of Arthur's words of comfort.

Merlin's secret, the part of him that he was forced to deny in the public eye, was eating him up inside. He was wasting away before Arthur's eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Well, apparently there was something he could do, and had just done but whether that helped Merlin or pushed him further along his path of destruction remained to be seen. And Arthur was scared to see exactly where it led, afraid of the latter.

The sound of rambunctious voices reached Arthur's ears through his open car window and he watched as Merlin's teammates exited the door to that lead the locker room. The stream of laughing sweaty boys surged but trickled down after a few minutes and still Merlin had yet to make an appearance. Was he trying to avoid Arthur? Or maybe Arthur's earlier prediction had been right and Merlin had gone home during lunch, not wanting to face his classmates for the rest of the day. But he wouldn't miss practice, would he?

"Elyan!" Arthur shouted out his window at the dark skinned man as he passed, soccer bag slung over his shoulder still wearing his training gear. The man looked up in answer. "Was Merlin at practice today?" Arthur asked not waiting for a verbal response from Gwen's brother.

"Yeah, he was," Elyan responded. "Off his game a bit but he was there."

"Ok thanks," Arthur said, sighing in relief at the news.

Elyan nodded and continued on his path until he had gotten into his car and exited the parking lot.

So Merlin was here. He hadn't left after all. It made Arthur feel better but the anxiety still refused to leave him. It didn't mean that Merlin was going to talk to him, didn't mean Merlin even wanted to continue seeing him. But at least he knew where Merlin was and where he was going to be any second now.

But the seconds dragged by until they turned into minutes and the steady stream of sweaty bodies made way to the freshly showered ones until only a handful could have been left inside. And still Merlin hadn't shown up.

Gili exited then, looking nervous—nothing unusual there; the kid was an oddball to say the least—and giving the locker room door a last fleeting look before it shut behind him. Then he turned and his gaze locked with Arthur's. He froze then, eyes widening as though he were afraid of Arthur or afraid for him but the moment was gone almost as soon as it had begun and Gili ducked his head and hurried along down the sidewalk in the opposite direction.

Arthur frowned, unsure exactly what to make of the boy's strange behavior but he shrugged it off and resumed his watch of the locker room doors. Usually Merlin was one of the first ones to leave the locker room, passing up a shower in favor of one at his own place. He claimed it was because the showers in the locker room were not exactly sanitary but Arthur knew it was because of the after practice talk that occurred. Merlin may have wanted to keep it from him but he knew that he was a favorite subject of ridicule amongst the team, Val and Cenred more than others, and Merlin wasn't able to stomach it much. But it didn't bother Arthur. They could talk all they wanted because thats all they ever did and could do. They wouldn't dare lay a hand on him.

But after another few minutes, when Cenred and Val had exited the locker room, laughing and high-fiving, Arthur felt a lump form in the pit of his stomach that had nothing to do with hunger.

Merlin was taking way too long.

Without another thought, Arthur scrambled out of his car, slamming the door in his haste and jogging over to the locker room, Val's shoulder bumping him none-too friendly as he passed. Arthur spent only a second shooting the boy a glare who retaliated feral grin, before he finally reached the door and yanked it open.

The sight that met him was not one he had ever wanted to see. Merlin was laying on the tiled floor, his left eye swollen shut as a cut on his lip started to paint his face with drops of starling red. He was curled up, an arm around his middle as though he were trying to hold himself together. A jolt of fear stunned Arthur for a second at the sight before him but he snapped out of it quickly as Merlin began to uncurl.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted as he scrambled into the locker room, kneeling down beside Merlin's form as the other struggled up off the ground. He placed a worried hand on Merlin's shoulder but it was quickly shrugged off with an angry grunt and a wince.

"You happy now?" Merlin spat, glaring up at Arthur through his fringe even as tears threatened to spill from his deep blue eyes.

"What?" Arthur exclaimed, retracting his hand, horrified. "No, of course not!"

Merlin let out a dry laugh, little drops of blood carving a path from the corner of his mouth down his chin as he did. "This is what you wanted isn't it?" He made to gesture down at himself but ended up gasping in pain and abandoning the attempt halfway through.

Arthur reeled, shocked at his boyfriend's—sounding more and more like ex-boyfriend by the second's—words. "No, Merlin never! It was an accident. I've only ever wanted you to be true to yourself. To be you."

Merlin dipped his head then, eyes scrunching up in pain. "Never knew being true to myself could hurt so much."

Arthur winced at the comment, eyes roving over Merlin as he continued to try and pick himself up off the floor. He reached to help him, ignoring Merlin's hands trying to bat him away until the young man finally relented and accepted Arthur's help.

"I'm sorry, Merlin. I'm so so sorry. I didn't think they would—"

"No you didn't think," Merlin interrupted. "Even after I told you, even after I warned you what would happen, what could happen, you still didn't think." Merlin's voice was angry, bitter, not holding back even as the tears finally broke free and spilled down his cheeks. He finally made it to his feet, leaning heavily on Arthur and favoring his right side. But he cursed as he tried to put weight on his right foot. "Fuck, that hurts."

"Shit Merlin. Shit shit shit. I—," Arthur began but he didn't know what he could say to make this all better. There was a lot that he wanted to say, needed to say but nothing would take it all back.

Merlin let out a resigned sigh as though coming to a hard conclusion. Arthur felt his stomach drop even further, afraid of what that conclusion might be. "Look, I know it was an accident, and I know that you didn't mean—" he gasped as they walked hobbled and limped over to one of the benches by the lockers, Arthur supporting most of Merlin's weight, and gingerly sat down, "—out me, but it happened and now…" Merlin trailed off, looking down at himself as though it was obvious what he was trying to say.

Arthur just nodded, a lump forming in his throat.

"I understand," Arthur said solemnly after a beat, feeling tears of his own pricking in his eyes. "I'm sorry...again, I didn't mean for this to happen. Never wanted this to happen. But I get it. If you would let me, I can drive you to the hospital and then you don't ever have to talk to me again. I'll leave you alone."

Merlin's head shot up then and he stared in shock at Arthur. "What? No! That's not what I want at all!"

Arthur stared back at Merlin, now thoroughly confused.

Merlin looked down at his lap, running a shaky hand through his hair. "Yes, I wouldn't be in this position if it weren't for your sometimes unobservant tendencies, but I also can't get out of this without you." He looked up at Arthur again then, searching his eyes pleadingly. "I need you more than ever now Arthur. Please."

Arthur's heart swelled, daring to hope and pray that this was not a dream, this was not a joke. Merlin wasn't breaking up with him, wasn't banishing him from his life. He still needed Arthur even after all that Arthur had done creating the mess he was in. No, they were in.

"I'm not going anywhere. Never," Arthur smiled, hope and happiness filling every crevice in his body it could find until it was practically bursting out of him.

Merlin gave him a small smile in return before it was quickly replaced by a disapproving frown.

"That doesn't mean you are getting out this easily, Pendragon," he warned, his tone slightly teasing but Arthur still caught on to the seriousness of what he was saying. "You outed me and I'm going to make sure you make up for that tenfold."

Arthur just continued to smile at Merlin, knowing that whatever it was, he would gladly pay it. Even if he had to spend the rest of his life making it up to Merlin, at least he would be doing it beside the man he loved.


End file.
